23 & Breastless

 

WARNING: YOU WILL SEE MY SURGICAL MASTECTOMY SCAR BELOW. ALSO – WARNING: BLOOD!

PLEASE DON’T CARRY ON IF YOU GET OFFENDED EASY

Finally.. the blog I have been hanging out to write and share with the world!!! The sole reason I actually started this blog. It’s quite straight forward and simple. I will bare all; LITERALLY.

So 01/05/2018 – 1 day post op, some time around midday I decided to finally have a look at my new and improved chest – my new and improved BREAST-LESS chest!

Before I had seen my chest only my Mum, the Dr. & Nurses had seen it. All of their reactions were great!

  • “Wow you’re healing great”
  • “Ohh, that looks fantastic!”
  • “WOW, 1 day post op and it look so good!”

But the only comment I would actually listen to was my Mums.

” Wow.. that actually looks so good! I can’t believe it.” She carried on to say that it was so clean and looked SOOOO much better than the post mastectomy images she had been googling in the last week! **Sigh of relief*** I believed her!

OK here I go. I decide, I’m going to do it. I step into the bathroom to undress. I have my best friend undo my gown at the back as I was only able to utilise one hand. I closed the bathroom door, I stood in the mirror and slowly pulled down the purple gown I had been wearing for the last 24+ hours…… AND…..

There it was!! My chest.. My breast-less chest!

No reaction .. I was kinda just like ok… sweet, I’ll roll with it – because, well babe you just took a drastic step to save your life, pat on the back. I felt content and just thought yo, OK. This is the new me. Easy done right? NO – This is weird but I feel like maybe I was and am still in shock? While looking in the mirror I just felt like I should’ve been upset and angry with what was looking back at me but I wasn’t? I’m just confused as to why I wasn’t upset??? I just thought I would be..

Don’t get me wrong I am OVER THE MOON that I am content with what I saw in the mirror – I’m so proud of myself and can’t believe that I actually felt and still feel OK. I obviously looked different but I didn’t see anything wrong. I still look exactly the same but only now I bare a scar that will now scream I’m a fucking warrior (at least my friends, parents and boyfriend tell me that anyway.) This scar will now play a prop to my life story. A story I will go on to brag about to my kids and my kids, kids and my kids, kids, kids. I am going to love and embrace my new scar as best as I can; because I promised myself I will do everything in my power to turn every shitty situation into a positive, empowering one! Maybe next week my feelings will change and I will become upset or  maybe even next year. Until then, I’m just going to roll with it.

I have seriously surprised myself these last few days with how strong I have been and how comfortable I am in my current situation. I didn’t know I was this strong! It certainly helps that I have a HUGE support network. I showed nearly everybody who visited the hospital today my scar (friends and family) and they all had the same reactions as Mum! All genuine and all so supportive which obviously made me feel better. Except for my little brother who refused to see it and said “It’s not like you had much there before anyway” Wowwwww…. really mate?! hahaha.

Before I sign off on this blog I just want to say that I will be getting some sort of reconstruction/implants. This is in no way to hide my battle. I really want that to be clear. I have my reasons but I will always remember and appreciate what I have just been through. Even though I will look to replace the breast I will always have the scar to remember just how brave I was, at 23 years old!!

LAST WARNING: YOU WILL SEE MY SURGICAL SCAR BELOW – PLEASE DON’T CARRY ON READING IF YOU DON’T WISH TO SEE IT.

I have a bella vac (pictured) connected to my chest which is basically a drain that drains blood to ensure no blood clots or build up occurs in my chest. I may or may not have to keep this in when I am discharged. We will see how it goes! The top left pic is the first time I had seen it – I have blurred out my other lady.  The scaring goes all the way across!! From the middle of my chest right under my armpit. They stitched the scar internally and then glued the top. It is healing so well, I am so impressed and happy with its progress! My actual chest is numb and still tender. Not sure when that will get it touch/feel back.

 

 

 

The above pics were really, really hard for me to share as you never know what you’re going to get on social media these days. I really hope they don’t offend anybody or make anyone feel uncomfortable as 1. It shouldn’t 2. It wasn’t my intention.

Lastly, I hope everyone is having an incredible week! I finally will have the Marina removal procedure today (03.05.18) and then later head home finally! To my bed! That my bf has ever so sweetly prepared for me haha. I will start IVF tomorrow (eek) which I will next talk more about as I begin the process of freezing my eggs!

Thank you again for all your love, kind words & support. It has been incredible!!! It has played a massive part in my journey so far and being able to hold my head so high.

So much Love, until next time!

Sofi xxxxx

 

*P.s – I have written this a whole 24hours after the above.* I spoke to the phycologist today. I told her I thought I was still in shock as I don’t seem to be upset or anything about what I am currently going through. She ensured me that this was common and I  am going to have some bad days in coming weeks/months. Like I said though, just going to roll with it! Please if you’re reading this and you’re going through something similar, it is OK not to feel what I did. Just because I was fine with what I was looking at in the mirror, it doesn’t mean you automatically will be. We all handle situations differently and it’s OK if you do. Either way, your scar makes you a fucking bad ass! Own it baby girl/boy. A breast does not define you as a human being!

 

32 Comments Add yours

  1. Krystal says:

    You are amazing and a inspiration to other women that may face this battle themselves 💖

    Like

    1. Thank you!!! xxxx

      Like

  2. dawn says:

    well our warrior princess i again stando in awe of you.. you even rock a scar what can i say…we all have a reason to be on this earth..this week you reminded me age is no barrier and in yours and a couple other beautiful souls i have rallied the troupe for our breast squeezes..sofi i was always afraid to get mine checked..my mum had bc and other than life the selfish part of me felt she could have passed this on to me and i never wanted to know…but you my little tall inspiration have taught me a lesson this week and for that i will be geeatfull to you…5 of my friends are heading to the boob truck this month and every 2 years after that…you my darling are saving lives…and when you get angry thats ok be angry embrace it all as you so truly do desearve…till your next blog darling lady take care and i send you all my love xx

    Like

    1. Awwww! Thank you Dawny! Your comment is so sweet. Appreciate it so so much!! Please do get checked! There’s nothing to be afraid of. So pleased to hear you have rallied a little troop to get checked! ❤ ❤

      Like

  3. Jenny McGrow says:

    WOW Sofi what can I say. One you truly are a Warrior Princess. I am so proud of you. For someone so young to be going through this you amaze me with your strength each and every day. I agree with Mum WOW the Drs have done an amazing job and you are handling this so far with all of your being. Like you said a time might come when you do get upset and question Why me, but that’s ok, allow yourself this honour. I will say this I honestly do not know if I would be able to be as strong, truthful or open as you are with all of us. I have always known what an amazing human being you are but now you have shown me what a superwoman you are. The one thing I have seen throughout this whole time that I have seen all your life that never leaves you is your BEAUTIFUL SMILE. So thank you Sofi as each time I read your blog I see your smile and I instantly smile back in awe of the beautiful brave young woman you are. All my love Aunty Jenny xxxx

    Like

  4. Genine says:

    It looks perfect… You are perfect ❤

    Thank you sharing it all 😘

    Like

    1. Thank you Genine xxx

      Like

  5. Sofi you are healing so well! and the scar looks great! Doesn’t look bad AT ALL! YAY! Keeping you in my thoughts! So proud of you!

    Like

    1. Thank you so much!!! ❤ I'm so happy with how it's healing xxx

      Like

  6. Jackie says:

    You are a true warrior my darling. Xx

    Like

  7. Jane says:

    Amazing Sofi and you’re inner strength is powerful ❤ blessed journey ahead Sofi Alofa aku xx

    *Riley wow😂😂

    Like

    1. Thank you Jane!! ❤ ❤

      Like

  8. Julie Ryan says:

    Your mum was right, the surgeon has done an amazing job. You are going to be an inspiration to anyone that reads your story. If nothing else I hope it has got all your friends checking their boobs too. You are amazing, the Goodna family is strong and if ever you need me I’m there. Like they say there may be times you feel sad, angry. Roll with it hun, just another part of the journey. #kickingcancerintheass

    Like

  9. Malena says:

    Thanks for sharing your story with all of us. I study a carreer that is really close to surgery and it’s really interesting to know how the patient feels inside of its mind and then, to be a better professional. I send you lots of love from Argentina, you’re a warrior and congratulations. (Hope I’ve written fine)

    Like

    1. Hi Malena!
      You have written perfectly! Thank you so, so much for leaving a comment! What a wonderful career path you have chosen! So much respect to you! Glad you enjoyed the blog xxxx

      Like

  10. Helen Leota says:

    💞💞wish I could give you the biggest hug right now💓💓

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Maria Moananu says:

    Strong, brave and amazing!!
    Thank you for sharing your journey. Keeping you always in our prayers!
    xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Maria!! ❤
      Thank you so much for reading – hope you are well xxxx

      Like

  12. Robina says:

    Sofi I have no words except I fucking love you….thank you for sharing – you are a Warrior Princess ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  13. E’lasi says:

    Thank you for sharing !! Love reading your journey so far! You’re Still so beautiful girl! Keep being Amazing and inspirational ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading and following my journey!! Bless you!! ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  14. K says:

    You are an inspiration and a true warrior princess! Thank you for sharing your journey and giving hope to others facing similar battles.
    Your strength and grace is beautiful 👑

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ohhh so sweet! Thank you so much for reading and your kind words ❤ ❤

      Like

  15. Pauline says:

    An amazing blog, thank you for sharing your story you are truly an inspiration. Wish you all the happiness in the world 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading!! ❤ Bless you xxxx

      Like

  16. Angela says:

    Hi Sofi. I was floored when I read about what you are going through. Remember you are beautiful inside and you need to keep fighting. Its never been you or the others (you know what I’m talking about) but I needed time out myself. But stay strong lovely and positive energy and love coming your way. Xxoo

    Like

    1. Awww thank you Angela!
      I hope you have been well. Great to hear from you! xxxxx

      Like

    2. Angela Bonaccorso says:

      Hi Sofi
      Thanks for replying
      Mentally I am much better and over the last 12 months I have never been happier and I thank you for asking
      Love you too bits and keep strong lovely ❤️🌺🌻

      Like

  17. Danielle says:

    Your scar is so neat! Amazing work by your Dr. And amazing work by you too for showing us and raising awareness that this horrible disease can affect someone so young! I wish you all the best with the rest of your journey beautiful x

    Like

    1. Thank you! I’m quite impressed and happy with it. Thank you so much. Much appreciated xxxx

      Like

  18. Narelle says:

    An inspirational read. Well done and keep believing in yourself ❤️

    Like

    1. Thank you. I will ❤ ❤

      Like

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